they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
