Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
