How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
