you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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