I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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