and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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