Kiss
Puke
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
