If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
