Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
