i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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