Got a toothbrush?
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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