maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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