I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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