Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
