So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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