While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
