I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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