you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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