i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
