Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We talked him into tasing himself.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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