We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
We got so high we made milksteak
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize