where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
