I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
