I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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