You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
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