Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
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