alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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