i permit you to call me
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
