I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Also, beer. Big fan.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
