Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
