his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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