Joe is yelling at the trees again.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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