I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize