PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
