Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
