You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
