literally had 100 drinks last night.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
