no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
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Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
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Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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