ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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