Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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