Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
