he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
