He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
