where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
