Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
