Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
