evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
