I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
So squirting runs in the family.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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