yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
