porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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