Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
