I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
