she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
