i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
