my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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