I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
