I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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