do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money