Texts From Last Night

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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  i was rollin on her like bob the builder

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  (318): i was rollin on her like bob the builder http://tfl.nu/6lwa
  Replies (3) Good night (2409) Bad night (561)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.

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  (337): Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again. http://tfl.nu/uobp
  Replies (17) Good night (3767) Bad night (916)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  My ATM looks so different sober.

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  (614): My ATM looks so different sober. http://tfl.nu/aska
  Replies (7) Good night (2299) Bad night (807)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.

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  (603): I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay. http://tfl.nu/s25q
  Replies (8) Good night (3997) Bad night (1029)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.

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  (267): i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man. http://tfl.nu/8n1a
  Replies (3) Good night (1452) Bad night (657)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.

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  (503): It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now. http://tfl.nu/4bjw
  Replies (7) Good night (713) Bad night (1296)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there

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  (509): he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there http://tfl.nu/265p
  Replies (7) Good night (1462) Bad night (488)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.

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  (701): I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day. http://tfl.nu/5jp7
  Replies (2) Good night (1275) Bad night (457)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".

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  (303): exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake". http://tfl.nu/t5lj
  Replies (7) Good night (618) Bad night (1347)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.

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  (480): She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress. http://tfl.nu/19rj
  Replies (4) Good night (597) Bad night (1307)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.

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  (914): Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade. http://tfl.nu/3ila
  Replies (3) Good night (1311) Bad night (409)
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  (415): View more from California

  Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.

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  (415): Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often. http://tfl.nu/cpju
  Replies (4) Good night (851) Bad night (569)
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Lets trade lives

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears

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  (931): Lets trade lives (931): And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears http://tfl.nu/3fv6
  Replies (3) Good night (363) Bad night (482)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.

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  (601): I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work. http://tfl.nu/dzc4
  Replies (0) Good night (402) Bad night (228)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.

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  (415): turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world. http://tfl.nu/96m9
  Replies (3) Good night (529) Bad night (257)

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