My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
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After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
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The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?