I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.