she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
