Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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