I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
