Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
