Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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