Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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