I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
