The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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