Who wears a wallet chain?!
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Dignity is for republicans.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
don't judge my taste in strippers
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
