Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
My vagina just recognized that song.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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