At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
