I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
