She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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