I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
