it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Randomize
