dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
two words: eviction party
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
