Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
