I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
