Swine flu is the new snow day.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I supernannyed him into submission
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
