you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
