I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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