we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
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